Final Captains Log: MAME

         The journey of a musical force like MAME is long and storied, but the recent days have flashed by in a blur of interviews, cameo appearances, label negotiations, and abuse of a wide variety of very dangerous chemicals.

cover of the upcoming MAME album,
"MurderCorpse Black Massacre"

          Early on, it seemed the legend of MAME had begun to spread in hushed whispers all up and down the northeast corridor. In the days leading up to the Band Draft Super Bowl, it had become increasingly difficult to rehearse due to the constant influx of solicitors for management advice and endorsement deals. However, it was clear by the Sunday before the show that we had crafted singularly magnificent gems of musical rectitude, and achieved a unique ability to channel the ghosts of metal's glorious dead.

          A last-minute concern cropped up as it became apparent that MAME was going to dominate the awards portion of the evening. Although flattered, we decided it was critical to community togetherness for the winners to be more evenly distributed, and paid off judge after judge out of the advance money provided by our deal with Metal Blade Records. Satisfying Judge Boeckelman's demands for a chariot driven by a train of white stallions was particularly difficult, as was surreptitiously rigging the performance space at Fontana's with hidden speakers fed by canned applause.

         In the end, however, all plans went off without a hitch, and despite all odds our competitors put in amazing performances. They truly demonstrated themselves worthy of sharing the stage with MAME (increasingly known as, "the new power rising in the east"). After humbly accepting the prize for Best Single, and allowing the public to gaze upon our rock majesty, the band and our entourage retreated to our supersonic experimental jet, which whisked us away to our fortress in the Canadian Rockies.