Friday, October 22, 2010

A Message From Commissioner Patrick

Hey Gang!

I've got a couple of closing announcements and then I'll get to all the sappy stuff but I'll try and keep it brief (I promised myself I wouldn't cry...).

-we at the NYBD commission would love to hear any suggestions and thoughts on the event that you guys have, we promise to not share it with anyone else so be honest about what you liked and what you didn't.  Suggestions to make things run better are always welcome.

-spread the word!  next year we hope to have a bigger, better event with the same good vibes of the first.  Tell all your friends that play to sign up, tell all your friends that don't play to come party, tell your mom, tell your spouse, tell your pets...  Also be sure to keep checking in with the blog and facebook pages to keep in touch with the rest of the gang, see pics and movies from draft night and get the latest in NYBD news.

-there are still quite a few t-shirts available, they go for 10 bucks up pop and are quite nice.  In fact I'm wearing one right now and it's like I'm wearing the gentle caress of a warm spring wind.  Just email this address if you or anyone you know would like one, the proceeds go to the NYBD 2010 winners "The Yokos" (NYBD commission is a not for profit outfit).

Finally I'd like to say "thank you" from the bottom of my heart.
The level of musicianship, creativity and character of everyone who participated impresses me more and more every time I think about it, you guys are some very talented people.
It's because of the effort and spirit that you put into this event that has brought it to life.
I hope you all had a great experience, words can't express how grateful we are to you for participating in this with us.

That being said,
hope see each and every one of you in next year's NYBD!
As always with love,

Final Captain's Log: Thank You, Dr. Zizmor

I once read an interview where Ozzy explained how he gets the hershey squirts before each show. This neurosis that causes him to shit his bat-head-biting brains out goes way back to even his earliest shows with Sabbath in the dive bars of Birmingham to his current Ozzfest events which he himself (or that leech wife of his depending on what you believe) organizes.

The first annual New York Band Draft was in my opionion a great success. Congrats to The Yokos and Mame, who won best band and best single, respectively.

If I saw Ozzy's wife or ugly kids I would tell them to find  a dark closet and play "Hide And Go Fuck Yourself".


Final Captain's Log: The Yokos

         When Anne asked me to be one of the captains for the Band Draft, I don't think I fully realized what it entails to be a captain.  In hindsight, there were many others that were far more qualified than I was, but that's sometime how the dice rolls.  Luckily though, whatever my shortcomings were, my really wonderfully talented team mates made up for them.  Thank you Matt and Scott for many creative input in song structures and arrangements as well as comedic banter which made practices very enjoyable.  Thank you Amanda for keeping the beat going when we were stuck.  Thank you Howard and James for song ideas and the styles that set the over all mood for the Yokos.  Winning the Band Draft felt really good but acquiring new friends was even better. 
          As for the future of the Yokos, we are aiming for Madison Square Garden.  Billy Joel holds the record for Most Consecutive Nights Ever Sold, so we are planning on breaking his records.
Yay, the Yokos!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Final Captains Log: The Hardcore Jollies

Dear Mr Mitch Masterson(captain of The Hardcore Jollies),
     This is Todd Zeilmann, chairman of the NY State Gaming Commission.  This letter is in response to your request for an investigation into the integrity of the polling results from the 2010 New York Band Draft.  A review of our preliminary findings suggest 'inconsistencies' which may have contributed to fraudulent polling results.  After reviewing live audio recordings and digital video, fact finding agents from our offices have concluded that The Hardcore Jollies, were the most BAD ASS MUTHAFUCKAS of the event in question.  Eyewitness accounts of the performance also seem to support this evidence.
     As a result of these findings our lawyers will be issueing subpoenas to the judges and organizers of this event.  It is crucial that the spirit and tenacity of such an extraordinary band as The Hardcore Jollies not be undermined.  Expect there to be a formal investigation by the State of New York.
Todd Zeilmann

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Final Captain's Log: Murderface

          I thoroughly enjoyed the final showdown. Every act was amusing in their own way and every player in the draft could keep their head above water performance-wise. Speaking for MurderFace, despite having three guitarists on the roster, it was really every other instrument that salvaged our playing. Jamie and Matt can always execute at a professional level, while Brad demonstrated a new side to his personality (rapper) and commandeered the complete attention of the audience. I was lackluster to say the least, but overworked and under-practiced.
         Furthermore, Evan, although a rookie to live performance, showed a tremendous dedication to the band. He improved dramatically as a player during the month that we rehearsed, and completely held it down during the showdown. As compromised as I was, it took a lot of the burden off of me having his rhythm work so locked in.

            Anyway, great job commissioners, this was an awesome idea. Good Luck next year, and I hope to see this shit on TV.


Final Captains Log: MAME

         The journey of a musical force like MAME is long and storied, but the recent days have flashed by in a blur of interviews, cameo appearances, label negotiations, and abuse of a wide variety of very dangerous chemicals.

cover of the upcoming MAME album,
"MurderCorpse Black Massacre"
          Early on, it seemed the legend of MAME had begun to spread in hushed whispers all up and down the northeast corridor. In the days leading up to the Band Draft Super Bowl, it had become increasingly difficult to rehearse due to the constant influx of solicitors for management advice and endorsement deals. However, it was clear by the Sunday before the show that we had crafted singularly magnificent gems of musical rectitude, and achieved a unique ability to channel the ghosts of metal's glorious dead.

          A last-minute concern cropped up as it became apparent that MAME was going to dominate the awards portion of the evening. Although flattered, we decided it was critical to community togetherness for the winners to be more evenly distributed, and paid off judge after judge out of the advance money provided by our deal with Metal Blade Records. Satisfying Judge Boeckelman's demands for a chariot driven by a train of white stallions was particularly difficult, as was surreptitiously rigging the performance space at Fontana's with hidden speakers fed by canned applause.

         In the end, however, all plans went off without a hitch, and despite all odds our competitors put in amazing performances. They truly demonstrated themselves worthy of sharing the stage with MAME (increasingly known as, "the new power rising in the east"). After humbly accepting the prize for Best Single, and allowing the public to gaze upon our rock majesty, the band and our entourage retreated to our supersonic experimental jet, which whisked us away to our fortress in the Canadian Rockies.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

New York Band Draft Winning Results

Congratulations to the Champions of the Night!

Here are the awards:

Best Band (overall) - The Yokos

Best Single - MAME

Best Cover - The Yokos - who performed "Let's Dance" by David Bowie

Best Band Name - The Hardcore Jollies

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

NYBD Super Bowl Event This Saturday, Oct 16th, 7:30 @ Fontana's

You've Been Band Drafted!

Why: The Inaugural NEW YORK BAND DRAFT Competition
When: Saturday, Oct. 16, 7:30pm
Where: Fontana's (, on Eldridge between Broome and Grand
...How much?: $8

Fifty-four years ago everyone liked jazz. Then Elvis came along and
rock'n'roll has reigned supreme ever since. But on Saturday, everyone
will go back to exclusively liking jazz again. Why is rock'n'roll

If you're not familiar with what Band Draft is, imagine uprooting a
bunch of local "musicians," reducing them to humiliating data points
and auctioning them off like frightened steer to despotic "captains."
The resultant "bands" are then charged with spending four weeks coming
up with a decent name, writing two original songs and performing a
cover song in such a way that its inspiration isn't forever ruined in
the minds of the voting audience.

Your mission, should you accept it, is to be a member of that voting audience.

It'll be a blast. You show up at Fontana's at 7:30pm, pay $8 to get in
and then spend the entire evening saying uncharitable things about the
terrible dross you're being subjected to. At the end, around 11pm, you
get to cast your vote on the band you found least offensive, based on
whatever random criteria you come up with.

It's going to be filmed for a TV pilot, so don't be afraid to share
your two cents with America.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Best Band and other prizes!!!!

As you all know, the New York Band Draft is a battle of the bands. You have all been working hard to write some amazing music and win the big prize but as of yet we have not announced how who wins will be decided and what you will win. Well, here it is.

Best Band:
      NYBD’s “Best Band” will win the cash collected at the door plus all of the leftover cash from the entrance fee. The winner will be determined by a combination of three things (1) crowd response, (2) draftee vote, and (3) judges.

We, The Commissioners, realize that what “Best Band” truly means is a question of the ages so we leave it up to you, the draftees, judges, and crowd. We imagine you will consider things like stage presence, quality of songs, the look of the band, how aroused they make you... Voting will happen in the following ways:

1)   Crowd Response-This will be determined at the end of the night using an applausometer (aka a decibel meter).
2)   Draftee votes –This will be done in a blind vote by ballot also at the end of the night. Every Draftee is required to vote and may not vote for their band. Judges will ensure that the rules are followed.
3)   Judges- Our esteemed judges will be voting on your performances between each set. They’re scores will be tallied at the end of the night and combined with the results of the Draftee votes and crowd response to give us our overall “Best Band.”

Best Single:

            NYBD’s “Best Single” is a prize awarded to the band with the best original song and will be voted on by the Draftees on the same ballot as “Best Band.” The winner of “Best Single” will win an amazing recording session at the famous Nut House Recording Studios. There, you will record the song of your choosing. Again, all draftees are required to vote and may not vote for their band’s songs.

Best Band Name:

            The prize for Best Band Name is getting to choose when your band will perform on Super Bowl Night! But don’t panic just yet if your band name sucks.

We, The Commission, have employed state of the art technology to help us decide who will win this awesome prize. Please visit our Blog at to vote. The voting has already begun and will close at 8 pm on the night of the NYBD Super Bowl Event. Anyone can vote so start telling your friends to vote for your band name and invite them to our show while you are at it.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Captains Log, Week 2: Team Christian (Thank You, Dr. Zizmor)

          I gotta tell ya: I absolutely hate it when an ugly chick sits next to me on the train, especially at the ass-crack of dawn while I'm on the way to another mundane day of work. It's bad enough my mode of mass transit early in the morning doubles as a night time pee-box for the homeless; now I have to spend the majority of the ride with some girl who looks like she's been beaten relentlessly with a bag of nickels? Not to mention how hairy and slutty she appears: I'm willing to bet her muff looks like Albert Einstein eating London Broil.

          That being said, it was nice to be back at KK for another Band Draft rehearsal. Things are staring to come together somewhat. I don't know much about what the other teams are up to (I'll assume they're all sounding pretty good though; everyone in Band Draft has a lot to bring to the table), but team 'Thank You, Doctor Zizmor' is starting to get a little more laid back with each other. I even let one rip the other night (it was one of those "machine gun" ones where it sounds like the opening of a 1940's Dick Tracy movie), which signifies that I must be getting comfortable with my group. Fuck, they should feature me on NOVA.

Who dropped off the ugly bus in front of the train station anyway?


Thursday, October 7, 2010

Captains Log, Week 2: Team Mikey(The Hardcore Jollies)

Dear band draft participants,
     This is Mikey D, the team captain of the Hardcore Jollies.  I am writing this open letter to inform you of the diabolical farce being initiated by a commissioner of the New York Band Draft, namely Carsten Vogel.

     I joined the Draft with the belief that this event would celebrate the collective creativity of a group of New York City  musicians.  The  prospect of composing new music with an unknown mixture of musical talent was immediately enticing to me.  I excitedly  signed on as a coach.  My responsibilities included choosing band members, scheduling practices, and essentially being the leader of a band.  I was, and still am committed to the spirit and freedom of this endeavor.  However, unforeseen circumstances have caused me to doubt my actions and involvement in this event.   To me it seems that the integrity of this project has been skewed.
     I initially envisioned using my newly formed band as a platform to educate the masses about an often overlooked political struggle just a few miles north of our great nation.  For decades the Québécoise, have been struggling to free themselves from their Kanadian oppressors.  Quebecoise culture is STILL being over run by imperialist, English speaking folk of British descent.  Front de Liberation Quebecois (Quebec Liberation Front, or FLQ) will fight until every last drop of their blood has been consumed in the battle for their freedom to speak French, and other stuff.

    Being American, and used to freedom of speech and religion, I initially found it disturbing that my band mate, Carsten Vogel, disputed my operatic and lyrical blog stylings on this particular subject.  It did not take long for me to realize that Carsten is a Fascist, a Communist and Free Speech killing Nazi.  It seems to me that he is stifling the rights that ANY American NYC Band Draft member should be embracing.
Now, because of Carsten, my band has been reduced to writing songs that insult the mothers of our opponents, and insulting homosexuals.  I just might quit now.  I don't think that I'm cool with this anymore.

Is this fucking funny or am i just drunk again?

Saturday 8pm right?

Mikey D
Captain of The Hardcore Jollies

Monday, October 4, 2010

Captains Log, Week 2: Team Miwa (The Yokos)

Dear commissioners,

After our 10 hour practice or what felt like 10 hour practice, the band has taken on a new direction.  We decided to utilize our music education which cumulatively amounts to that of a Japanese 6th grader, and go "steely", well sort of.  You can expect from us such gems like John Cage's 4'33" or Philip Glass' 1+1.
To go with the new direction, we have decided to call ourselves "the Yokos."  The name has nothing to do with the fact that the captain is Japanese or that the one of the English members is married to her or that the bass player is half Japanese.  We all just adore Yoko Ono's music.

Avec mes amitiés,

Captains Log, Week 2: Team Todd (Felonies Amongst Friends)

Oh, hi,...We now have a name: Felonies Amongst Friends. It was not created within the band, but somehow made it into the fray. Its growing on me, I gotta say. Some of our also-rans: Never Trust A Tall Asian, The Girls Who Do, Meatblast, The Unbearable Sight of Claude Raines, and my personal fav, Unbreakable Clavicle. We got a couple of ideas for songs and what we hope, will be an awesome cover. The band has gelled very nicely and we are apparently going to win this thing, at least that's what I'm told. I'm pretty confident considering the competition are writing songs about woodland sexcapades and covering Coheed and Cambria. Yeah,..I know. What the eff?!

Team Names!

        Here it is folks, the moment you've all been waiting for. The teams have been frantically suggesting band name ideas, voting on them and arguing about them amongst themselves. Finally, after two weeks of deliberations, the team captains have submitted these names? Seriously? Ha Ha Ha!

Team Miwa –The Yokos
Team Mikey- The Hardcore Jollies
Team Cristian- Thank You, Dr. Zizmor
Team Masta Shredda- Bossfight
Team Todd- Felonies Amongst Friends
Team Phil- MAME
Team Adrian-Murderface

P.S. Feel free to sling some sh*t on the already awesome Face Book threads. 

Commissioner Carsten

Captains Log, Week 2: Team Phil (MAME)

       Still more musical mastery was demonstrated by the team this week aswe completed revisions on the album's worth of material created thefirst week. Matty used his background in psycholinguistics and cognitive science to guide the group in interpreting my jumbled ramblings into a new composition. Mary Ann cheered us all up after the rest of us began to weep in fear of never writing music that could match the profundity of Anne's new lyrical concept, "honey badger."

        Once completing the material side of rehearsal, we cleansed our psyches and all consumed a freshly brewed concoction of the ayahuasca vine. During the spiritual journey that commenced, a strange consciousness spoke to us, referring to our groupmind as 'MAME' and promising that the true meaning of this soubriquet would be revealed to us in time.

Captains Log, Week 1: Team Masta Shredda

My fellow Music Geeks,
I've noticed most captains go in depth with there logs but I'm just going to keep it plain and simple.
With only 2 band practices slayed, we've probably laid down more ideas and creative bondness then
any other teams in my opinion. If i sounded to egotistical on this one, then bring it on bitch!
Our first practice started immediately after the band draft night, wasting no time...we gathered at the batcave.
Once safely inside we brainstormed for a few and kaboom.. magick glistened.

Now This is how we roll(s).
Jay's Beautiful bass line melodies enables me to Shred at maximum "Kill-Zone" velocities at all times.
He actually nicknamed my guitar playing a 'dyslexic angry cookie monster. OMNOMNOM NOM NOM NUMMMANOM'
Mike's punchy hard "Metal Up Your Ass" rhythms and bluesy Cock rock solos melts peoples faces.
Ryan's smooth calm Indie jazzy guitarisms give Satan inspired overtones.
Vici's vox and lyrics make everything so much prettier with enormous balls
gettin' Dragged and less guitar Wankery driven. Dragonforce anyone? 
Ozzie's animal driven Drum-Gasms  blends together nicely while make you unaware you contracted music aids.

Until next time,
-Shredda out-

Friday, October 1, 2010

Captains Log, Week 1: Team Phil

  Our team met for two rehearsals this week. Nearly every moment was filled with musical explosions of a personal nature, as our truly gifted members each entered into a fugue state of hard rocking genius.
 On Thursday, Matty and Pony had gotten there early to do a quick run through of the entirety of Rush's Moving Pictures album. They felt it was a little boring, so they opted to skip all the notes falling on odd beats while playing all prime numbered measures backwards.
 Since the next 30 minutes of band practice yielded 12 perfectly formed rock epics, Mary Ann focused on transcribing them and transposing each by 11 different intervals, in hopes of determining which was truly the saddest key.

  Anne felt uninspired by traditional playing techniques and discovered a natural talent for playing the bass by firing ping-pong balls at it at high speed. Yes, that way.

  The band draft commissioners had given me $300 in cash, most of which was already spent on extremely dangerous drugs. Needless to say I spent each rehearsal in a horrible, slobbering sort of spastic stupor.


Captains Log, Week 1: Team Miwa

To whom it may concern,
I was told to report the progress of the team for our first week and I'm happy to report that it has been very much hopeful.
Our first meeting was a casual and a festive one.  We discussed deeply on the issue of our musical direction.  I was rather nervous at first since we all seem to come from a very different background.  Mr. Stock was of the opinion that we should go with something like "Fame," and as a matter of fact he announced that he already has a costume picked out at his favorite American Apparel store.  I'm afraid that didn't go down so well with Mr. Zillito, since he has a strong feeling towards "Jersey Boys," as he is from the said Garden state.  They were on the verge of passionate argument when Ms. Cantrel skyped in from England to express how we all should go in the direction of "Les Mis" because "everything else is a Disney musical disaster," she added.  Mr. Carlson was much disturbed by this as he wanted to create something along the line of "the Lion King," but we somehow managed to soothe his feeling with Mr. Roe's homemade pizzas.  I have a sneaky suspicion that he made those pizzas so he can score a good role in the musical, but if that was his intention, I'm afraid to say that it worked.  Mr. Roe's opinion was that we should be like "Blue Men Group," to which Mr. Stock kindly informed that "it doesn't qualify as a musical."  Though he was disappointed, Mr. Roe quickly recovered and suggested "Mama Mia" which turns out his favorite musical in the whole wide world.
The whole night ended very amicably, all of us agreeing to have our first studio practice on Wed. Sep. 29th.

As a captain, I'm ready to bring a few "Mary Poppins"-like tunes to the table.  And also through google I found out that "Grey Gardens" and "Jane Eyre" have been turned into musicals, the prospect of which made my heart skip a beat or two!  We are starting our practice session with a tap dance warm-up, followed by jazzercize and then a discussion on acting methods (not to be confused with method acting).  Mr. Stock has informed me that he will show up in his shocking pink unitard - which is totally uncalled for - but we all appreciate his enthusiasm very much.

By our final night, we should be able to wow you all with our six part harmonies and choreographed dance moves.

Until then, yours always,