Dear Mr Mitch Masterson(captain of The Hardcore Jollies),
This is Todd Zeilmann, chairman of the NY State Gaming Commission. This letter is in response to your request for an investigation into the integrity of the polling results from the 2010 New York Band Draft. A review of our preliminary findings suggest 'inconsistencies' which may have contributed to fraudulent polling results. After reviewing live audio recordings and digital video, fact finding agents from our offices have concluded that The Hardcore Jollies, were the most BAD ASS MUTHAFUCKAS of the event in question. Eyewitness accounts of the performance also seem to support this evidence.
As a result of these findings our lawyers will be issueing subpoenas to the judges and organizers of this event. It is crucial that the spirit and tenacity of such an extraordinary band as The Hardcore Jollies not be undermined. Expect there to be a formal investigation by the State of New York.